Mom idols...

In generations past (I've heard) that women sought to do everything they way their mothers did. If she cooked, you would cook. If she upheld tradition, you upheld tradition. Who knows to what extent this is true (part of me feels like every generation of daughters has reinvented motherhood in new and interesting ways), but I feel like we're more apt to break with our own mothers' ways of doing things than in generations past. 

So much of what I read about Millennial moms deals with the idea of blending everything... time (work life and home life are blurred), roles (egalitarianism has shaken up who does what and who stays home) and anything else you can imagine to create a unique system that is workable, livable and happy for you. No more cookie cutters, no more mom haircuts. At least that's what I like to think. 

Because of this blending, one is constantly pulling for an array of sources for inspiration. No longer looking for archetypes (do I want to be a June Cleaver mom or a Betty Draper mom?), icons and idols of "successful" motherhood can come from all over the place. And given the fact that God gives you ten months to ponder what kind of mom you're going to be (and then a lifetime of abandoning those ideals for reality), I've been thinking a lot about my mom idols of late. Who are the women who really inspire me in their approach to parenting and life? Who has tricks and tips I plan to steal from when our little one arrives on the scene? So I thought I'd take a moment to share them with you (in no particular order). This is by no means a complete list (after all, I admire so many women), but does capture some must-have traits I pray I can emulate. (Also prepare for some of these to be entirely shallow.)

- Tiny Fey. Isn't she everyone's girl crush? I had this Amex print ad of her and her daughter hanging above my desk long before I knew I was expecting a girl of my own. Tina Fey makes my list because she's wicked smart, embraces her inner nerd, seems fabulously comfortable in her own skin (has made a career of playing herself), supports other women ("Bitch is the new black") - and embraces the chaos required to make an ambitious life work. She was once quoted as saying, "being a working mom is about is about thinking ' this is impossible' and then doing it anyway." She's also not afraid to take a self-deprecating approach to her own imperfections as a person and a parent. I'm sure there are people who judged her for saying that she went back to work at NBC three weeks after having Alice because they had her under contract while she and the baby had a verbal agreement. I thought it was funny.

- Kristen Cavallo. I worked for Kristen for two years and in that time learned more by watching her than I did in four years of college. Besides being incredibly smart and talented, she taught me that being an indispensable asset to your company doesn't mean compromising your family. I know few working moms who are as tapped in and involved with their kids as she is. The woman knows about every upcoming test and paper, every aspiration and adventure her kids have. She takes the time to ask them thoughtful questions. She really listens to (and cares about) their answers. She's developed a system (with the help of family of course) that allows her to do both well in a way that few people do. Also, her enthusiasm about her kids - and the way that she respects and cultivates their individual personalities is incredible to me. If I can be half as good a mom as Kristen, my child will be a very lucky girl.

- Katherine Wintsch. Clearly, I've been fortunate in having the opportunity to work for incredible women. I've been on Katherine's team for (approaching) two years now, and last year she had a baby named Layla. I had no idea what motherhood would look like for Katherine. I watched in eager anticipation to see how she made it work. One thing that's important to note about Katherine is that she cares about people more than just about anyone I know. She's a rare hybrid of machine-like productivity and an unmatched warmth. I didn't know how it would be humanly possibly for her to accomplish as much with a baby at home as she did before. Would things grind to a halt? Would Layla come hang out in the office until midnight? Again (like so many women I admire), Katherine did a little shifting and adjusting - came in a little later so the au pair was within her hours, worked from home a few more evenings. And I'm sure it's been impossible, but a year later Katherine is kicking more tail at work with the happiest and healthiest little girl you've ever seen. Like Kristen, she's shown me that you can be an incredibly loving mom and a superstar.

- Kim Wyngaard. Kim is a stay-at-home mom with four kids. She has chaos management down to both art and science. All four of them are spirited and overflowing with joy. You can tell that their worlds are characterized by adventure and love. No small task for Kim (and her husband) to pull off, I assure you. She gives herself to them entirely, is an incredible wife and seems to enjoy all of it. She's that rare person who seems genuinely happy with her choices and (like my other heroes) has customized a system that works well for her and her family without being dogmatic about the way the rest of the world should run. At the same time, she started a business with a friend last year (which is booming), is an incredible friend and is always ready to help the people around her.   

 

I have in mind several other women to write about (including Aubrey Kleinfeld and Patty Wyngaard), but it occurs to me that this is already world's longest post - so I will write about them (and their many virtues) another day. In the mean time, I see some themes emerging in my choices. Clearly I admire women who sleep little, accomplish much, and manage to make 24 hour work like 32. Not that I'm setting myself up for failure or anything...:-) For now I'll say that I'm fortunate to have them as lightposts and examples for the way life can work. I have much to be inspired by.