Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"Fear Factor" - Also known as "What Not to Watch When You're Expecting"


Ever heard of that show called "The Baby Borrowers?" Basically, they take a teenage couple that at some point commented that they wanted to have a baby, and they borrow infants, then toddlers, then pre-teens, then the elderly to get a feel of what it would "really" be like to raise a family. This show is intended to scare 15 year olds into not having premarital sex, or at least not pursue parenthood before they're ready. Too bad I'm 27 and I gotta be honest... this show has frightened me right along side them. They should have mentioned in the opening credits that the show you could anxiety for pregnant women. Eesh!
 

What to expect in week 10.


Okay, according to babyfit.com, I should be gaining weight by now (thank God there's an excuse:-), but no baby bump just yet. It's expected to be an emotional phase, "a time when you may not feel as excited about your pregnancy as you think you should. Not to worry. This is normal!" Okay, two things to address here...

I'm really hesitant to blame anything on being emotional because of the pregnancy because I feel like the second I do my husband has license to write off anything and everything as "oh you're just pregnant." I might be mad about something totally legit and get the "crazy pregnant girl" reaction. So I'm keeping the news that "it's an emotional time" close to the vest. I think that's a totally brilliant plan. Might be hard to keep going for long given the fact that I had a complete and utter emo breakdown last week when my flight was delayed (I think I sobbed, "why is this happening to me?" at one point:-), but we'll keep that news under wraps as long as possible.

Now for the less than excited part. I wouldn't say that I'm less than excited. I'm definitely excited. Looking forward to February. Feeling incredibly blessed that God would think I'd be up to such a challenge. But it still feels a little surreal. Seeing the baby's picture helped. Watching the little white light (the baby's heartbeat) flash brightly at a frenetic pace made it feel more real. Telling people made it feel real. But I guess it's inching towards real. I have yet to feel that "I'm a mom" feeling and I'm interested to hear when that happens. I've known people who made a conscientious decision, "We're ready to be parents now. Let's have a baby" and for them I imagine that the second they find out their pregnant their on the road to their chosen destiny of mommyhood. When it's a surprise it feels a little more like you've been drafted, but have yet to report for duty. Is that bad? 

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

From the moment you find out you're pregnant...


Okay. I found out I was pregnant on June 16th because I had a funny feeling, which was agitated when I walked upstairs in the beach house we were renting to see a giant pregnancy test stretched across a 50 inch flat screen with the word PREGNANT emblazoned across. Friends who were watching Army Wives had paused the show in that fortuitous position and left for dinner. That little sign from above urged me to take a test (or three) and before I knew it I was staring at a series of digital readings telling me my life was about to change. 



It wasn't what we planned. My husband and I were going to start adoption paperwork this year with hopes of bringing a little one home from some foreign shore in 2010. We'd have our own at some point later. Only, God didn't care so much about our schemes and this surprise awaited us on vacation this summer. Time to reconfigure!

Both Doug (my fabulous husband) and I handled it much more calmly than I would have imagined! I pictured panic attacks, "what are we going to do????" conversations, etc. Rather we both just kind of laughed, said, "okay!" and started preparing for this little course correction. Time to find an obgyn, buy some prenatal vitamins and break myself of an intense caffeine addiction. The obvious physical symptoms followed (nausea, dizzyness, sleepiness, etc.) and we're on the road to parenthood.

Now, we're excited. Just started telling people this week (2 1/2 months in) and picturing life a little differently than we did before. Enthusiasm is contagious. People love babies it turns out and are filled with helpful tips and tricks that I just know are going to make sense one day when I meet the little one. 

That said, I've seen a few commercials of late saying things like, "from the moment you know you're pregnant," which make it seem like that digital "pregnant" stick should have some with a USB port I could plug into my head for a download of motherly feelings and insta-knowledge about all things kids. I'm not quite sure that's been my experience. And I work in advertising. In fact, ironically, I work on an advertising account that markets to moms. So, I intend to chronicle this experience, these feelings, lessons learned, etc. so that I can look back later and remember what it was really like before I put on the mom pants. 

I'll be honest, on the plane this morning I put in my noise canceling head phones to avoid the screaming kids across the aisle (there were three all in full melt down) and watched Season 3 of Weeds (a show about a drug dealing suburban soccer mom). I had this image in my head for a moment of being on a plane with my own screaming kids and getting dirty looks from the fellow passengers because I had those same noise canceling headphones on to avoid the screams of my own offspring. Plus, surely that's not the kind of programming cookie-baking mothers watch. Mom guilt set in and I'm not even a mom! 

Needless to say this should be an interesting ride. Stay tuned...